I am a 33 year old mid-western woman. I live in a small blue-collar town in an average house with my husband of 4 years, our four dogs, the monkey growing in my belly (due October 27th), and sometimes the 7 year old step-son. I've decided to start this blog so I have a place that I can vent about the trials and tribulations of being the wife to the guy with the crazy ex-wife and the step-mom to a boy that is being trained to resent me, a.k.a - the Evil Stepmonster.

The beginning of the beginning....

I was married before and because of one million different reasons, it just didn't work out. We divorced in 2003 after just 2 and a half years of marriage. I had no children from that marriage and essentially no baggage. After my divorce I simply enjoyed being single, hanging with friends and playing the field. I had no intentions of getting serious with anyone and thoughts of getting married again any time soon were so far out of my mind. Fast forward to October 2004... I met Jay at a shit-hole bar in the shit-hole town that we now live in. He was with friends who were mutual friends of the the friends that I was with. Honestly, I didn't notice him. This place was so nasty I was trying to avoid eye contact with anyone in this place. One of his friends had come over to me to tell me that Jay thought I was so beautiful. Of course, for comedic values, I had to turn and look to see this gem. Fully anticipating a guy in a wife beater with a confederate flag and no teeth, I was surprised when I saw him. Glasses, plaid Polo button down, OU hat - hunkered down in the corner like a beaten puppy dog. My response... he's cute, but he's way too short.

Next thing I know he was being forced to walk over and stand back to back with me. It was like Junior High and the Teepee dance club from 1989 all over again. I humored the matchmakers and stood up to show that he was too short for me. To my surprise, we were eye to eye - even with my hooker boots on. He lingered a bit and we got to talking about things. He talked about his job, his two dogs and I talked about my puppies. As we got to talking more, I thought - he's not so bad. Seems like a really nice guy. Might be fun to let him take me out a time or two. Then the bomb dropped. As he opened his wallet, I was sure hoping he was going to whip out a condom instead of what my heart knew he was about to do. Out comes 50 pictures of an adorable little boy. He was convinced that was going to be the kiss of death for him, and he was partially right. I was not interested in being with someone who had baggage and this was the biggest luggage that one could carry around. The evening ended and he asked if he could call me. I told him yes and gave him my number.

Fast forward two months later... the guy never called. After a few days he completely slipped my mind. After all... he approached me, right? Then he asks to call me and I give him the courtesy of my number and he has the nerve to not call me!?!?!? Whatever - done....

The day after Christmas in 2004, I ended up in the same shit-hole bar with the same group of friends and conveniently run in to the same group of friends that he was palling around with that night two months prior. One of them approaches me and tells me that Jay hasn't stopped talking about me for two months and how stupid he was for not calling me, but he had thought I wasn't interested. Before I know it someone was shoving their cell phone in my ear with him on the other line. He was at work. Like that same abused puppy dog I had met two months earlier, he tucked his tail between his legs and apologized for not calling and asked if he could take me out.

Two days later we had our first date. Surprisingly, we had a wonderful time. Great conversation, great food and great music. I guess I can say that against my will, I fell in love with him that night.

I learned about his previous relationship that night. He had not even been married a year before his now ex-wife (whom I will call Season) was pregnant. Friends tell me that even before their wedding, she was talking about having kids and bragging how she was going to be the first person in her family to have a child in wedlock. WOW! I know what you are thinking... sounds like a real gem, right? Well... it gets better. Jay had told her that they should wait a bit as they had just bought a house and Jay was planning to finish school. She was also having trouble keeping jobs. So she shows up pregnant, claiming to have been on birth control and blaming the failure on antibiotics. Everyone who knew them knew this wasn't the case... it was intentional. Either way, Jay embraced it and CJ was born in September of 2002. The day of conception was the last time they had sex. Five months after he was born, Season told Jay that she didn't love him and wanted a divorce.

Let the lies and manipulations begin...

Jay is a very soft hearted person who will do anything for anyone and is easily manipulated by Season when it comes to his son. Season told Jay that her parents would pay for the divorce if he just signed the papers. He wouldn't have to get an attorney and he could see CJ whenever he wanted. Being broke and too crushed by the blow of the divorce and too ashamed to ask for financial help to get his own attorney, he agreed and signed the papers without even reading him. She assured him that the papers were just formality and he could see CJ whenever he wanted.

In the original divorce papers, his visitation was as follows: every other Saturday from 10 am to 1 pm. THAT WAS IT. Whenever he wanted him more than that she would come up with some bogus reason. You don't have a crib... you don't this.... you don't that. The only time he got to see his son was when she needed a favor of a babysitter.

There's a new sheriff in town....

Boy was she hot when she found out he was dating someone!! She tried to tell him that it said in the papers that he couldn't date anyone until CJ was 5 years old and that I was not allowed to go anywhere near CJ. So I didn't really get to officially be around CJ until we had dated 8 or so months. That was... after I went to the courthouse to get copies of his divorce papers (because she wouldn't give him copies) so he could see for himself what his papers said.

The first meeting...

Season's rules... in order for me to be able to be around CJ, I had to be interrogated by her (which is only one of a few skills that she has). I was supposed to go to the McDonald's playland to meet her. I really have never been so nervous in my life. This was first of all the most idiotic thing I have ever heard of or had to do. The meeting went like this: while Jay ran around with CJ in the playland, Season asked me a series of questions about me and my job, my house, my family, my thought on children, etc. I told her that I come from divorced parents and am no stranger to this situation. I also told her that no matter what, I would always know that CJ was not my son, but would never treat him any differently. I would love him unconditionally and just as I would my own. That was the truth.

The progression...

Things were mild at first after the meeting. Jay and I married the next year and he moved in to my house the day after the wedding. Then the competition began. She was living with her parents and then just had to get her own place to keep up I guess. She moved about a mile away from my house in to an apartment. She tried to contact my ex husband on Yahoo personals and hook up with him saying how funny it would be if they got together. She was obsessed with finding a partner never allowing Jay the same opportunity to interrogate these losers she met on the internet before they were allowed to be around her son. After all, as she reminded Jay on a regular basis, it was HER son.

You've got mail...

Not really the kind of mail that we wanted, but we were greeted in 2006 - about 4 months after our wedding, with papers from her attorney asking the courts to grant her more child support. We hired a lawyer at $1500 to fight her off and after months of going back in forth in case management hearings it was determined that her child support would not go up, but would go down by $75 per month!!!!!! YIPEE!!!! While we were at it, we had the attorney write up a fair visitation schedule for Jay and CJ allowing him one day a week overnight and every other weekend, every other holiday, every other birthday, every fathers day, Jay's birthday every year and three non-consecutive weeks in the summer. Life was good. She was bitter at first, but soon after we seemed to have established a fairly good relationship.

Friends?...

It was almost disturbing how she acted towards me. She thought we were friends. It was weird, but it worked and was probably good for CJ. CJ loved me, and loved to be at our house just as much as he did her and loved being at her house. CJ didn't remember his parents being together. For all of the life that CJ can remember, I have been there. If she needed something for him, or needed a favor from us (which there was always something), she would contact me. She knew I wore the pants in the house I guess! :-) I have a photography business and would always share the professional pictures that I had taken of CJ with her. She had even asked me to take pictures of him and her together which I of course agreed to do without hesitation. Maybe Jay was right, it is better to not rock the boat.. right??

Wrong, so wrong....

I don't even think she was in her apartment a year before she had bought a house in her home town. She dumped the boyfriend and toyed around with a few others she had met on the internet. She met a guy in late December 2007/early January of 2008 with whom she immediately immersed CJ in. He had moved in to her house and before we knew it she was pregnant in September- this time of course she was on the Nuva Ring when it happened. All we could think about is this poor sucker doesn't know what he has got himself in to. He's a nice guy... we really do feel bad for him because he is SO screwed. They bought another house and had moved in March of 2009. They were married in April and the baby was born in June. We bought our house, in the same town that she lives, in November of 2009. It was a total mess and needed a TON of work done to it. We were so happy to have this new place which was twice the size of my house that we had lived in and she seemed happy for us too. It was also close to her so easy for visitation pickups and also 6 blocks from CJs school, 2 miles from Jays work and easy access for me to the interstate shaving about 10 minutes off my daily commute. Life was good... for a week or two.

You've got mail, again....

We hadn't moved in to our new house yet as we had so much remodeling to do in the new house. After a long night of painting at the new house we arrived home to the mail. Yet another petition to the courts from her and her lawyer for an increase in child support. It stated that there had been a significant increase in income or circumstances. We hired a lawyer - again. This time at a retainer of $2500. When she was confronted she stated that Jay must have had more money "since we bought a house and since Jay had an iPhone" (which he doesn't) and that she couldn't keep up with the costs of CJ because Jay "didn't contribute enough" and she was providing "90% of his financial care".

First of all, with our new house our payment went down over $100 per month from our previous. She just assumed that since we were moving - especially in to a house that was MUCH bigger than hers- and that since CJ was excited about his new house and was really wanting to spend a lot time with us that it was time to start bullying us. After all, Jay usually gives in, right? Well over my dead body will he just give in now. If I had to take on 3 jobs to make ends meet and afford a lawyer, I am not going to let this whore ruin our lives all because she is a selfish spoiled bitch!

Spoiled bitch...

She buys 2 houses in 3 years. She gets a brand new car EVERY year. She proudly touts her daughters hair bow collection in which each bow costs $15-25. She has over 200 of them. CJ wears Abercrombie and Izod school uniforms. He gets everything he wants. For Christmas when he was 6 she bought him a REAL 4-wheeler. Not one of those power wheels things. It cost over $1000!!!!! Seriously??? And that wasn't the only gift that year either! Jay and I watch him before and after school to save her $160 in day care costs. We pay for half of tee-ball, half of school uniforms, half of tutoring, usually all of cub scouts. After all that she says Jay still doesn't pay enough??? She doesn't know how good she has it because it is nowhere in the papers that we have to pay anything other than child support, carry the health insurance premium (which is over $350 per month) and pay half of all out of pocket medical expenses. She's got the gall to ask for more money????? How much more does she want? After it is all said and done, Jay only brings home about $200 more per month that what she gets. That is not enough for him to support himself.

Stupid is, stupid does....

After Season figured out that she would not get any more money from Jay after the state did its calculations, she had asked our thoughts on dropping her court case. We agreed that it would be the best thing since it would be a big waste of money for us to all spend on attorney fees. That was in December of 2009. We waited and waited to get the papers that the case was cancelled. Jay confronted her and she stated she cancelled the case with her attorney and had even received the final bill from her attorney. After speaking with our attorney, we discovered this wasn't the case however Season still swore that she was dropping it.

The plot thickens....

Early February of 2010 we find out that we are expecting the monkey. Finally - after trying for a long time, we are so happy! She got wind of the new and wasn't quite so happy. Next thing we know, our attorney has a meeting at the courthouse with her attorney. We are hoping that it is to cancel everything. WRONG! Her and her attorney had come up with this crazy notion that since I own a photography business that I pay Jay under the table cash so he does not have to report it or claim it and have to pay her child support with that money. SERIOUSLY?? I only take a few clients per year. My business is more of a hobby than anything. All of my clients are friends and 98% of the time I work pro-bono just to get the experience and build my portfolio. Jay works 12 hour night shifts. When he is not working, he has CJ. She knows damn well that he has never and will never work for me. I had 5 shoots in 2009. One for my sister in law's maternity that I shot for free, one wedding that I shot for a friend in which I accepted payment in the form of an airline ticket to fly our other friend in to town from Boston in order to help shoot the wedding, and THREE shoots for Season herself of which only one of them I accepted payment for. She really has big balls.

Shortly after our attorney called me on the day of the meeting with Season's attorney, Season sent me an e-mail asking a favor in which I replied something like "I don't know... I am so upset right now I can't see straight. I just heard from our attorney who just met with your attorney who said..." Her response was "I am so sorry" " I swear I don't know anything about this" "I fired my laywer two months ago and even have a last bill" "I never told my attorney that Jay works for you" "I would never come after your business" "I said I was dropping the case" blah... blah... blah... Then another e-mail from her mother with the same stuff "we did not do this" "we dropped the case months ago" "trust us this will be resolved immediately".

Months pass with no word other than continued case management conferences between our attorney and hers. The grounds are still that Jay has a 2nd job and income that he is not reporting. The states attorney gets involved on CJs behalf and figures out the appropriate support figure. Just as we had figured, Jay is paying more than he should due to increased healthcare costs. The states attorney advises Season's council to drop the case. STILL no action. Our attorney advises us to put in a motion to decrease as well as a countersuit to have her pay our attorney's fees.

Let's get ready to rumble!!!!....

So now she's pissed.... really pissed. Now begins phone calls to Jay telling him what a terrible father and a POS he is. Keep in mind, I haven't talked to her for months nor will I ever again so poor Jay is dealing with all of this. Well... Jay and now CJ. Season begins to interrogate CJ about what goes on at our house. First we were accused of bad mouthing her where she said that CJ heard us call her the "client". I have no idea what she is talking about, but she claims that after CJ went to bed, he heard this conversation. Didn't happen - EVER - as we NEVER talk about her when he is with us unless it is an open conversation with him about something random like, "did you have fun with mommy at the zoo yesterday?"

Next issue... she calls Jay claiming that CJ told her and her mom and dad that I told CJ that I hated him and that I am mean to him and yell at him all of the time. Really the bottom line is this. CJ is now almost 8. He knows there is tension between us. He knows his mom is a push over. He now knows how to lie and manipulate just like she does. He knows there are rules and discipline here at our house and there is none at hers. He knows we have different views on his homework and studying than she does. Those things aren't important. After all he is failing 1st grade, getting in trouble in class several times per week for not listening, and just in general learning and being allowed to be a selfish little brat. That's OK though... you don't need to do well in school or listen to your teacher, or your parents for that matter. She is the "friend" parent and we are the what parents should be like. Which one would you have preferred when you were a kid?? All fun, or responsibility?

Two weeks later, Jay is confronted at t-ball with her claming that I "grabbed CJ by his shirt". #1 - it didn't ever happen. He got in trouble yes... I yelled, yes. I made him do his homework even though he was throwing a tantrum and told me his mom doesn't make him do it, but there was no touching at all. I leave the physical discipline up to Jay. Trust me... there are times ( a million of them ) that I would have loved to blister his butt, but it is not my place. #2 - last time I checked there is no crime in grabbing someone by their shirt. She was all up in arms claiming to have turned me in and threatening that if I ever laid hands on him again that I would have to "deal with her". WOO.... spoiled little brat didn't get her way now she is making up lies. OOHH I'm so scared.

Trial time... and the sentence for stupidity is a public stoning!!!

Now after her refusal to drop this frivilous case, we are set to go before the judge in a trial on July 9th. Hopefully the judge has some sense and will favor on our side. Our attorney thinks that the judge will take the state's attorney's recommendation which was for there to be no change in support, but she also feels that since Season's attorney has been advised by the state's attorney several times that there was no case and it should be dropped and she refused that we have a pretty good chance of getting our attorney's fees paid. Right now, that stands at almost $3500 and that doesn't include costs for the trial date and associated paperwork.

If that were to happen, that would make me the happiest Evil Stepmonster in the world!!!!!!!! I think I would have a hard time not laughing in her face, but I think I will just calmly walk by smile.

I just can't understand in a million years why someone can be so evil and hateful. After all I have done for her and for her son. Jay is such a wonderful father to that boy - she really has no idea how good she has it. She should be thankful for what she had and what CJ has. If I was in her shoes, I couldn't ask for more. But... I guess some people are so spoiled and entitled that they can't see that. I hope her new hubby is taking notes because this too will soon happen to him. She just wants babies and mens money. Poor guy.... Poor CJ.... this is how he is being brought up - to feel entitled to everything and to know that if you are a big enough bitch you might be able to manipulate your way in to things.

I truly feel sorry for all of you other step-monsters and fathers who are dealing with a situation similar to mine. I would love to find others out there who need support or just a friend to vent to. I've had the hardest time finding support groups for divorced fathers and step-parents who are under the wraths of bitches like Season. Hopefully our good deeds will not go unnoticed and there will be justice someday.